masochist

i've always wondered what i was, but that's really it.

not to the extreme, and not the sexual part of it,

but i really must find some subconcious enjoyment in being punished,

because why the hell would i continue to do this to myself.

and the odd thing is, is that it doesn't seem to matter that the lightbulb has just lit up.

because i'm just turning it off again.

i always, always, always get myself stuck in the same situations.

and they always have the same results, maybe this time though, the result being a whole new extreme even i didn't expect.

and i'm so sick of it, but i just can't help myself.

i want it. even though i know i will end up hurt.

again.